I decided to make this page to allow myself to put my views down somewhere. I think about things way too much for my own good, with no outlet to speak of. One of these things that frequent my mind is the topic of religion.
Religion is not an easy topic to discuss, especially since it's on the level of politics. Similarly, many people have a range of beliefs and opinions, from being totally by the book to a complete disbeliever. I think that range is pretty fair. It can never be possible to make everyone believe in the same thing.
What I believe in is a very, I would say, "individually-driven" idea of what a religion should be like. I never frequented the church. I never did my first communion. I've never read the bible. Yet still, I believe in God.
Practically from birth, I was raised by my grandmother, who happened to be religious. She is a Catholic who retained the beliefs she was raised with when she was growing up in the countryside of El Salvador, which were primarily taught to her by her mother. What she has taught me has nearly entirely molded what I believe in. And for that, I am thankful.
I identify as a non-practicing Catholic. I view the Virgin Mary as my protector. I see Jesus and God as two separate people. I do not believe in fearing God and I do not believe in a God that is meant to be feared. Yes, I understand that science exists. Dinosaurs were real and we evolved from monkeys. Sure, it may contradict religion, but so what? Doesn't stop anybody else from believing in their personal religion. Life goes on.
When I was a preteen, I was the most atheist atheist to ever exist. God wasn't real and science was my religion. I fought against my family, who wanted to take me to church and bought me bibles to try to convince me to read it. Looking back, it was understandable. I had gone through a very traumatic experience in my late childhood, and was a very mentally unstable mess of a human being. But I was incredibly rebellious and hated being made to do something I didn't want to.
Funnily enough, despite the scrawled hateful messages, despite the glares, despite the verbal lashings I gave, when it truly came down to it, I would curl up in bed, tears in my eyes, asking God for help, for mercy, for the hope of a better life. I think even then, I recognized that God was very personal to me, and didn't like other people trying to get involved with it. Today, I avoid talking about religion with my family, and react passively when prompted. That isn't to say I'm not ecstatic when I get the chance to talk about it, though it still is a very personal topic.
God & Me
As mentioned prior, my idea of God is not someone who I should be afraid of, nor do I think anybody should be afraid of. The phrase "God-fearing woman" is a negative one, in my opinion, because I don't think any religious woman should call herself that. It makes it seem like believing in God is something done out of worry rather than comfort or joy. I don't think God would want that.
Now it comes to that. What I think God is like, really. I don't think God is hateful. God does not hate colored or gay people, because he made them that way. The idea is ridiculous. Why would God make something he hated? God is a loving being who cares for and weeps for all his children. If anything, God becomes upset when people do bad things that hurt other people. That is because God knows these people could do better things. God cannot control people, of course. People who say God made them do bad things are silly.
When a person is born, I believe, God has no control over the situation they are born into. People are born because other people had sex. That's an unavoidable truth. People are raised and nurtured by other people and their environment, which God still has no control over. People then blame God for their hardships- forgetting that it is other people and even themselves that cause these problems. God cannot control it.
At this point, it could be said, "What's the point of believing in God if he does nothing all the time?!"
For me, the point of believing in God is that he is my hope. He is who I speak to when I am in need of hope. When I am sad, when I am heartbroken, when I am depressed, I pray to him for hope. Hope that, in some way, something can be done. That something will change. Hope that whatever actions I may partake in will lead to something good. Something to look forward to. A chance at happiness... that is why I believe in God.
God is not a bad person. God will always listen, and because he is spoken to, he will try. Whatever it may be, he is watching for your success.